Survival lessons from a road trip

So, our family recently took our yearly vacation up north to PA to visit the extended family. This trip was different than the others, instead of the four of us riding in one car together our boys were going to follow us in their car to finish their final destination of the trip in Chicago, IL where they will work all summer at a day camp. As we prepared our mini convoy everyone made sure to get all the important items you need on the road....snacks, drinks and the ever vital electronics. We all coordinated our GPS, set up our charging stations for our phones, ipods and laptops (each car was equipped with two cigarette lighters). It's when you strike out on an adventure as this that makes you appreciate the beauty of cell phones and texting!

All was going smooth as our two cars traveled north on 95 heading to our first stop at Aunt Donna's house in Troutman NC. Tom and I were enjoying our okra chips and candy while listening to the ipod feeling spoiled with our new found freedom - the ability to have an open conversation together in the car. While his brother drove, Caleb was enjoying catching up on the 3rd season of 24 on his laptop. John was happily driving along listening to every Van Halen song he had on his ipod playlist. And then it happened......while driving through Georgia a devastating blow to our perfect traveling scenario. It started with a text from Caleb asking how to get our power inverter plug to work in the cigarette lighter so he could charge up his laptop to finish his programing. When it became evident that texting was not going to work in figuring this dilemma out I called Caleb to try and talk him through some steps to find a solution. The frustration mounted and tempers began to flare, AND it was lunch time in the mist of this electrical crisis and pappa was hungry! To save time we found a rest stop to eat the small lunch we packed, and to defuse the technical difficulty's in John's car.

By the time the boys parked, their car was running HOT (not from the engine). Tom and I had to get out the parental fire extinguisher to put out the flaming tempers spewing from the passengers. The conclusion to this mystery was a blown fuse to the cigarette lighter in John's car, you see unlike our Buick, the Chevy is not able to have this power inverter and an ipod plugged in at the same time. After getting things somewhat under control with the attitudes the whole family stood on the grassy knoll of the rest stop and had a family conference to stop the blame game over this "sabotage conspiracy theory" so we could continue our drive. Tom and I felt like two police officers trying to settle a domestic dispute with the "he said, he said" back and forth! The next trip maybe I'll bring a gym teachers whistle and act like a football referee and when things get out of hand I'll eject the player out of the game!

Careful placement was made with the weary travelers to avoid any further sparks to ignite, it was agreed that Caleb would drive and John would put on his head phones and listen to his ipod (thank God the ipod battery lasts a LONG time!!!). I decided to add some reading material to my bag of goodies for my ride, the car manual to the Chevy, so I could locate where the fuse boxes were and which fuse in particular operated the cigarette lighter. When we stopped for gas in NC Tom located a Pilot truck stop station since they would be most likely to have fuses for sale, it was there he then took on the role of shop class teacher. Like a pro he showed the boys how to fix this minor (but important) repair and I could swear I heard the angelic choirs singing when Caleb went to test out the results and yelled out "It's working"!!!! We arrived at Aunt Donna's the happy family!

Our valuable lesson on this trip was one not just learned by the boys but by the parents as well, NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT EXTRA CAR FUSES!!!

Blood work drama to craigslist shopping

Over the past couple of weeks I've felt like the bunny with the pocket watch in Alice in Wonderland trying to work in different appointments for our boys while they are temporarily home. One appointment offered my friend Kim and I loads of entertainment! My husband and I are setting the boys up with a good life insurance but this policy requires a lab tech to come to your house to do a physical (you know blood work and peeing in a cup....). The bad word in this equation being blood work. The mere thought of needles, shots or blood leaving their body turn these 19 year olds into 10 year olds. Surprisingly Caleb, who is usually the one who threatens violence when needles approach him, faced this day like a man. John does do well at controlling his actions by letting his mouth run free as he faces his needle fear.

So on a Tuesday morning the unsuspecting lab lady comes to our house to obtain bodily fluids from the boys. When it was time for the needle probing Caleb stood up to the plate bravely while John went to lay down on the couch so he would not see the horrors. I was amazed that this same child (John), who can't hear me speak when we are in the same room, could hear from across the room without looking the sound of Caleb's blood hitting the end of the tube used to collect the sample!! It's like he was gifted temporarily with super-power hearing just for that moment. Caleb did better than I have seen him do EVER, then, 30 seconds after the bandaid went on his arm he turned pale white and felt like he was going to throw up.

Now it's John turn. It was already decided before hand that John was going to lay on the couch for his needle probe. As John is getting ready for his blood drawing Caleb is sitting at the table, with his head down trying to eat a banana to help his queasiness, reassuring his brother that the procedure is not that bad. I can't say it convinced John any. The lab lady and I laughed as John grabbed a blanket and completely covered his entire head before sticking his arm out to be tortured. When the "attempted murder" was finished they began debating how having blood leaving your body is not natural and over 100 years ago when blood was coming out of you it meant you were either dead or bleeding to death....HA! As my friend Kim said, only my boys would find a way to compare giving blood to bleeding to death.

With the first year of college behind us now our quiet empty nest has become a noisy warehouse, storing all the personal belongings from two dorm rooms during this "stayup-late-sleep-late-catchup-on-all-your-tv-shows-hangout-with-your-friends" break called summer. Even our birds are noisier over their excitement of having their boys home. By June 1st however our boys will be heading to Chicago to work all summer as Directors of a Daycamp at a church we used to attend. The income earned at this job will be used to help finance the apartment we are setting up for them since this will be much cheaper than the on campus dorms.

For the short time John and Caleb are here we have been shopping at what I call the online garage sale called craigslist.com for cheap furniture to help get them set up in their new pad. Through this fun website you get the opportunity to meet all kinds of people from all walks of life, and the differences can be very wide. Like this one day John and I visited a couple of homes looking for a bed for him; the first house was way off the beaten path down a country road where we met a redneck fella who was clothed in camo (I can use the redneck term since I am one). The second stop was located in a neighborhood where we saw, between two fairly large neutral colored homes, a small bright mustard yellow house with grass 20% greener than the other yards, BRIGHT flowers and little pastel colored pinwheels decorating the yard. It looked like something from a Dr Seuss book. The owners were of middle eastern descent we think, but with each visit the people we met were all very nice folks. John did jokingly comment that at first sight these houses themselves did have a "creepiness" look to them, stating specifically with the bright yellow house, that it looked like a creepy grandma's house who was going to eat you (comparing it to the gingerbread house in the Hansel and Gretel story). HA!

John, Caleb and myself made an hour and half road trip to a small town to get a futon for Caleb and the family we met for this purchase were so friendly and talkative and their "youngin's" were playful and running around barefoot out in the yard. They reminded me so much of my cousins back in Arkansas I felt like I had left my family reunion when we headed back home!

Then there are the homes that tug at your heart, as they are run down looking containing owners who are just trying to get by day to day. I stopped at one house to look at a dresser and met a very sweet young lady who was pregnant living in a house that from the outside looked unlivable and very cluttered inside. She seemed just as nervous about having a stranger come inside her home as I felt in walking up to it. I couldn't help but wonder if she needed the $35 she was asking for the dresser to buy groceries. Though shy, she was a very soft spoken and charming person but I could not help feeling sad AND convicted at that same time as I looked around her surroundings and realize I take my living conditions for granted and even complain! My son Caleb came up with a brilliant idea as a way to be a witness to those who are being challenged in their living conditions. He suggested offering to take them to the grocery store to get a little food, or even having the person write down a few items they need from the store that we could bring back to them. Maybe what I could do is have a grocery store gift card in my wallet ready to hand out to someone in need on my next craiglist outing. After all if we see a person's need and try to witness without meeting that need then how can our words be effective without action, 1 John 3:17 & 18.

Our children can teach us alot!

Spoiled Pets

I recently purchased a new bird cage for my boys two cockatiel's from a nearby pet store going out of business. Since the two smaller cages we were using for them were being held together with duck tape, and since the birds spend all day together anyway, I upgraded to one bigger cage they could share. Upon the first sight of this large cage entering their room you could see the curiosity in their eyes and hear the sounds of questions in their chirps. With the feathers on their head standing straight up they watched me as I set up the new pad. Once I had everything in place I introduced the perplexed birds to their new home.

Cautiously they entered the cage, their eyes taking in everything inch by inch. Fear turned into curiosity as they began to notice toys hanging all around, and I could not help but parallel them with kids as they had to go to each toy and touch it or test it out. As they made their way to the top of the cage this ladder I set up to serve as a perch became the favorite spot for BOTH birds, squabbling over the "special" seat. Oh the memories of watching my kids fight over the SAME toy when they were little.....

Our other spoiled pet is "her royal highness" our cat, Angel, who really serves as our watch dog with a grumpy disposition toward everyone but her family. In her eyes she owns our boys, and now that they are home from college for the summer she has been a happy kitty. However it has thrown a change in her daily routine, and her bed (which is really my son John's bed when he comes home) is occupied.

One morning she was acting all "unsatisfied" following my husband around wanting something. He gave her food, fresh water, he put her on our bed, let her go outside in the screened porch, and she still just kept following us giving us that intense LOOK. Finally I looked over and there she was sitting in the hallway leading to the boys rooms starring a hole in us. I walked over to John's room (aka: Angel's room) opened the door and she walked right in like she was a part of some royal entourage, she saw John in the bed and stopped, looking puzzled like a scene in the Three Bears fairy tale (Someone's sleeping in MY bed....). But she soon enough accepted to share the mattress with John and curled up in her usual place finally satisfied.

Good thing I didn't spoil my kids in this same mannor or they would be impossible to live with....

By God's Grace

When my husband and I hear folks say to us, "you've done such a good job raising those boys" we just smile and tell them it's only by the Grace of God. Sometimes I will also give the response my mom would tell folks when they asked her what she did to raise such good kids...."Well, I'll tell ya one thing....I spanked!" That's right, I spanked too and what do ya know my kids (nor I for that matter) did not turn out to be violent individuals!

I frankly thought God was crazy giving ME two babies at the same time to raise! To give you a little background on me I have never been, nor am I now, and will not be in the future a baby person. It wasn't until I met my husband that decided it would be nice to have a family, but girlfriend you were looking at one scared chick when it came to babies! I never babysat, or played with dolls growing up. I was a full fledged tomboy with stuffed (or real) animals. When our twin boys were born the nurse at the hospital had to teach me how to change a diaper. Oh and did I mention that they were preemie's (7 weeks early), they almost died at birth. As I look back over the years I see why God gave me twins. As God took us through all of those moves these boys always had a friend, they weren't the only "new" kid at all the changing schools, and they kept each other strong in an ungodly world. Even though I couldn't see it until later He was showing me Mercy by giving me twins.









I can't say I was a graceful parent either. Luckily my friends never got to see my dark side! As we say down south, my patience went about as far as I could spit! I had many days where I looked like a raging bull and these boys were the red flag swaying in the wind, if you get the picture. I often felt like the green wicked witch of the west from the Wizard of Oz yelling, "I'll get you my little pretties!" Oh they were cute but don't let the smiles fool ya, they had a mini-dark side themselves. God stretched me in the baby stage, challenged me in the toddler age, and body slammed me in the middle school phase! If I may say a few words about Middle School, this is a time when aliens take over your child's mind and mouth! High school for me was a dream, it helped to "exorcise" the alien from their bodies and I started to see young men emerging.


As I clumsily marched on the front line of parenting I also relied on my upbringing from my own mom and dad. I would often quote my dad telling them they "need to change their wont to". Like my parents, I did not spend my days worrying about offending my kids but was more concerned with focusing on developing a respectful Godly character in them. To go on record, there was a lot of offending that went on in our house. We used that wonderful imagination that kids are blessed with and taught them mom and dad were not the only one watching them, God knows all things and sees all things. We put the fear of God in them, they were not only accountable to us but to their Heavenly Father more.

To me it seemed like God picked me up and threw me into the pool of parenthood and said swim! But praise the Lord he doesn't leave you there to drown. Boy He will make you work at it though, just like any wise parent who will not do everything for their child, however He is only an arm's length away ready to pull you up when your head goes under water! I stand in awe at the young men these preemie babies have become and I admire their strong faith. As I sit beside the still waters God has led me to for this restful time in my life I am keenly aware that there will be more challenges ahead to face. But with each challenge there's a new lesson and growth. And by His grace I will get through it.

The Visitors

Picture a house that is clean and has everything in it's place. Now imagine waking up in this house the next day and seeing everything STILL clean and in place. Go with me on this, stretch your imagination and envision this house staying clean for almost a week straight!! Then one morning (let's say a Saturday) you wake up and this same clean house has mysteriously taken on the look of a "frat house" overnight. Dirty glasses and plates with dried food in them randomly all over the house, empty wrappers from snacks and empty Arizona green tea cans not even close to the trash can, laptops and cell phones laying all around, cables and cords plugged into the wall charging NOTHING, dirty and clean clothes intermingling all over the bedroom floor, and extra shoes that you don't recognize that go with the extra bodies you see lying on the beds and floor.

That's right, you've been invaded by your college kids and their friends for the weekend, you've entered the Emptynest Zone . Once the dead wake up, around 12 noon, you find out they all didn't go to bed until around 3:30am cause you were stupid enough to ask....Word to the wise don't ask about bedtime, what you don't know won't hurt you. As much as I love the visits from the kids and their friends I unapologetically enjoy getting my space back when they go back to college.

This college adventure has actually been a positive experience for our family. Mind you my husband cried for 4 days at the initial send off, but as for me I jumped on the emptynest bandwagon with both feet. Hold your gasps and rest assured I do love my kids. As a matter of fact we have a better relationship at this stage than ever. And if you play your cards right you get to hear statements like, "I miss home, it's so comfortable here"....I know, crazy isn't it!!

Those of you soon to be facing this challenging transition don't dread it, embrace it! Enjoy discovering the young man or woman your child is becoming, it's a time to sit back and watch the fruits of your 18 years of labor!